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| This is my sports now [ABC] |
I don't have any sports anymore. I can do mock draft after mock draft, talk about how underwhelming the Lions' free agency period has been, and cry myself to sleep after Michigan basketball loses two five-star recruits in a twelve-hour span. Those still aren't really sports, those are Theoretical Sports, looking forward to (or really, dreading) future seasons. There aren't any actual real sports happening. The NBA, NHL and MLB seasons are all delayed indefinitely. March Madness didn't happen. Golf is on hold. Even NASCAR is on hold, and now drivers are saying slurs on streams of virtual races. I miss real, competitive sports.
I also miss Riverdale. It's been off the air for a couple weeks, and the episode that airs Wednesday will be the last episode until production can resume. Riverdale is the one television show I watch week-to-week, because it is ridiculous. I miss the drama of Riverdale, and that will be gone for months.
So here I am, ready to dive into The Bachelor Presents: Listen To Your Heart, the newest Bachelor spin-off. It premiered last night, and I'm hooked. I needed competition and drama, and this show has it in spades.
The gimmick of the show is that it is The Bachelor meets American Idol, which is a show concept that feels about 15 years too late, but I will take it nonetheless. Couples of eligible bachelors and bachelorettes will compete with each other in some kind of singing competition.
But before that can happen, we need the couples to actually form and also a hefty dose of drama. So the premiere has very little of the singing competition, because we need to introduce all our competitors and get them to pair up. To make matters more spicy, there are twelve men to eight women. Four men will be going home, so the women will have to deal with multiple guys vying for their affection.
The rest of this post will feature spoilers for the premiere of The Bachelor Presents: Listen To Your Heart, in case that matters to you.
The first thing that stood out was the immediate comparison of the contestants to A Star is Born made by Chris Harrison as the show begins. Later in the show, multiple contestants bring up A Star is Born. Did these people watch A Star is Born? Did they stop the movie after the "Shallow" scene? That particular film is maybe not the best goal for your relationship!
The first main drama of the episode is Jamie, the youngest person living in the house, who is also the first person to arrive at the house. She is stuck between Ryan, a very nice-seeming guy who is the second to arrive at the house, and Trevor, who seems kinda douchey. Ryan and Jamie immediately hit it off, but she seems very attracted to Trevor as well. The next day, it's time for the first date, and Ryan gets to choose who he goes with. Naturally, he chooses Jamie. They go to Capitol Records, where they record a duet of John Mayer's "Gravity" with the guy who actually produced the record. It seems like Ryan's got this in the bag! Or does he?
Then there's Matt and Rudi. Rudi seems very eager to be in the house, and also very naive. She gets very amped up, and connects with Matt on the first night. Matt also connects with Mel, but it seems that Rudi and Matt is the pairing. Matt gets the second date letter, and is stuck between Mel and Rudi. He sits both of them down, and makes it seem to Rudi like he's going on the date with her. Rudi gets pissed, talks a mess about him to all the other girls, and then airs him out when he gets back. It was incredible.
Some other things happen too. There's a girl named Julia who seems like she's between four guys, but mostly between Sheridan a Texan singer-songwriter with big hair and an even bigger hat, and Josh, who doesn't end up getting featured much but a few of the other guys are scared of him because he looks like buff, hot Mr. Clean.
There's also Michael Todd, who might be the worst person in the world. He sings one of his original songs very quickly to being introduced, and he sounds awful. He almost immediately tries to kiss Savannah (who, being an acoustic-pop musician, a yoga instructor, and self-described "bit of a free spirit and a little bit of a wild child," is really going for the Basic White Girl Bingo here), who dodges him hilariously.
Also, there's a guy in a leather jacket, who I'm pretty sure says four words in the entire episode, but can be seen in several scenes in the background, wearing a leather jacket.
At one point, Mel and Matt go to an intimate Plain White T's concert, because the show doesn't have a budget for bigger stars and you absolutely know the Plain White T's didn't have anything else going on.
Anyway, we get to the dramatic rose ceremony. Some of it hardly matters, as it features both men and women who we've hardly seen on the show. Julia ends up picking Sheridan (which is predictable, because Sheridan got a video package at the start of the episode while Josh spoke maybe twice). Mel ends up picking somebody other than Matt after Rudi badmouths him to everyone. Matt thinks he's going home because there's no way Rudi will pick him, but Cheyenne (another barely-featured face) ends up picking him. WILD! Everybody hates that dude now! He's definitely gonna get into a fight with somebody!
The rose ceremony ends with Jamie and Rudi having to pick, both of whom are obviously very undecided. Jamie ends up going with the curveball and picking Trevor over Ryan, throwing everybody off since she went on the date with Ryan. But don't worry because Rudi comes back and picks Ryan with the last rose! Surely this will end well for everybody.
Oh man, I love it. It was exactly what I needed after being in the house for a month, filling both my competition and drama needs. It looks like next week, they're going to add more women to the mix and probably make the men choose between them. One of those women is Trevor's ex, who wants to make sure he's honest about his past cheating (Jamie hates cheaters). Ahhhhhh I love it. It's going to be all I can think about for a while.
Now let's remember our fallen comrades:
- Michael Todd, who was too good for this world. The credits scene is a bunch of women making fun of Michael Todd, who has absolutely no game.
- Leather Jacket Guy, who definitely wore a leather jacket at several points
- Josh, who did not seem to have any personality or charm after the whole "Hot, Buff Mr. Clean" thing.
- Apparently somebody named Jack, who I am sure was not even on the screen once until the rose ceremony.
Let's do this again sometime.
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